I am pleased to say that it is progressing, at last, due to the invaluable feedback from beta readers on the latest draft.
Right now I am writing a detailed outline and selecting poetry to open the chapters.
It is so much fun to gather all the memories together ready to select the ones I think readers will gain or be the most moved by reading. My goal is to select around 25 scenes from this outline to build the memoir.
Looking at the nearly 7000 word outline I am beginning to realise I might have to write two books or a book and several articles or stories.
Some of the pieces here are first drafts, fragments, memory flashbacks, and meditations.
I use them as a resource for constructing longer pieces that may be included in the memoirs or creative non-fiction articles. Some of them have been blogged at ABC Open 500 words and other places too.
I ask only that readers respect my copyright and if they feel moved leave genuine and sincere feedback.
Pictured: Glenda, Melesiale, Tiana, Katarina, Chris and Jioji
Advance Pacific Research Australia: Reclaiming Pasifika Voices: Inform, reform, transform, a conference for Pasifika researchers, students, and postgraduates, and community was held at QUT, July 3 2023 with around 70 participants.
The conference utilised the strengths of Pasifika cultural expressions and protocols to engage undergraduates, community and Pasifika attendees. It also demonstrated the SSAVI principles of spirituality, service, agency, vision, and innovation later shared in detail in a participatory workshop.
The Vision of the Conference, was to encourage all participants to think deeply about why we do research, and how important our motivation, and methodology are to bring about lasting positive outcomes for the communities we serve and originate from as well as those we now live in as part of the diaspora.
This Pasifikaness was woven dynamically throughout the day in the presentation stylings of the presenters and the overall weave of the program. Participants came from Kiribati, Maori, Samoan, Papua New Guinean, Solomon Islanders, Tongan, Fijian and more in cultural backgrounds, some second or more generation in Australia, with some also pointing to their mixed cultural backgrounds, such as Nepalese.
The program began with dance, prayer and acknowledgement of country, ended with dance and prayer, and included songs and participatory dance, as well as traditional power pointed key notes and panels throughout. There were so many moments, of emotional and heartfelt presentations which paid homage to family, community and cultures.
Embracing early career researchers and long term career researchers, the conference provided a supportive and inclusive sharing environment with family and community who are not researching currently, welcome to participate.
All presenters honoured and showed respect for First Nations peoples of Australia and shared their diverse and similar experiences. They shared personal and moving stories of the challenges and positive impacts of family, further education and mentors.
Covering fields of social justice, health, biomedical science, social work, youth work, IT, education, and cultural safety a unifying theme was a diversity of answers of how we can introduce Pasifikaness into our work and study spaces and feeling confident and empowered to do so.
Jioji Ravulo, Professor and Chair of Social Work and Policy Studies in the Sydney School of Education and Social Work at The University of Sydney, began his presentation with singing A rousing Chorus from How Far I’ll Go
“See the line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me And no one knows How far it goes If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me One day I’ll know If I go, there’s just no telling how far I’ll go”
He then looked at the relationship between the Individual, Researcher and Community and how each of these interacts with and informs the approach of researchers. (Glenda shared with us the Jioji came from a stand up comedian and youth worker background as well).
In the social justice area he highlighted the importance of not being overwhelmed by the dominant discourses through acknowledgement of intersectional identity, and the deconstruction of ‘whiteness’. ‘Informing ‘then is to recognise dominant discourses, and part of reforming and transforming is deconstructing and questioning these discourses across all disciplines and their structural outcomes such as inequity in education, and individual and collective well-being.
Part of the reforming processes are the deconstruction of colonialism, neo colonialism and whiteness so as to build spaces for collaborative research, which draws upon the strengths of Pacific ways of gaining understanding and knowledge such as through ‘talanoa’.
Reforms, and transformations for Pacific health and well being, are enhanced by building strategies and lexicons, which understand, engage with, and apply the strengths of Pacific cultures.
Dr Eseta Tualaulelei (Early childhood and intercultural teaching and mentoring, research, University of Southern Queensland), shared how she viewed the connection between teaching, research and service. She is highly motivated to improve educational outcomes for Pacific students by challenging often negative- DOXA – commonly held beliefs.
One of these was that speaking more than one language, led to lower educational outcomes, when actually bilingualism can greatly enhance one’s learning. Samoan language nests then become part of early childhood experiences of Samoans. The process of publishing research is powerful because it transforms the attitudes of both learners and facilitators of learning. You can find a listing of Dr Tualaulelei’s work here.
The transformative power of research such as Dr Tualaulelei’s, is through publishing and sharing to teachers, but also through engaging in methodologies that value Pasifika cultures, and collaborating and communicating to grass roots of community to recognise and work alongside them. She informed us of her paper with Judy McFall-McCaffery on for our further elucidation The Pacific Research paradigm: Opportunities and challenges
Dr Heena Akbar (Queensland, Pasifika Woman’s Alliance), shared the story of her very mixed cultural background, Nepalese, Fijian and Afghani, and as Professor Ravulo’s and Dr Tualaulelei before her pointed to the power of methodology that embraces Pasifika ways of knowing and being in the world. Frameworks for improving Pasifika health, are enhanced through co-designed participatory action where Elders and community educators and researchers, and Elders and Young people working together as researchers, educators, collaborators to improve their health outcomes. Dr Akbar, also works as an educator of medical students, and is thus also able to impact a future generation of doctors.
A highly enjoyable and dynamic workshop, was facilitated by Dr Inez Fainga’a-Manu Sione with Dr Glenda Tagaloa Stanley (also our CO MC for the day), and Dr Dion Enari, sharing the concept of ‘Collective or Individual: Why Not Both’ and unpacking a useful acronym – SSAVI .
One fun and highly memorable highlight of the workshop was when participants flew a paper aeroplane of our vision (which was written onto it) as part of a think, pair share. They then chose someone to share that vision with once they found their landed plane.
Several case studies of this model in action were also presented, interspersed with ensuring participants were alert, listening, and engaged.
Embracing the ideas of Spirituality, Service, Agency, Vision and Innovation – conference participants where then taken on an interactive journey to engage with and assist with creating our own vision, connecting with other visions in the room. We did both individual reflections, and connecting with the community of researchers and community members in the room.
Later sessions, were presentations of researchers, Melesiale Aholelei, Tiana Hippolite, Chris McNealy and Katarina Roa, working across fields of impacts of enforced deportation of Australian raised Tongans, nursing, IT, understanding cancer. There was a keen interest shown for the application of this work into policy making, and as with other participants an engagement with Pasifika methodologies. There were moving personal stories of the motivation for researchers, sharing a contexts of learning in historical circumstances of New Zealand, Aotearoa and a challenge to consider how we can take our ‘Pasifikaness’ ‘into our research, work and community spaces, where we are surrounded by dominant discourses.
Researchers, aware that there were many fields, and community members in the room, made sure to make their topics as understandable and as engaging as possible. Focusing on motivations, methodologies, and impacts, and engaging strongly with the conference themes. They also outlined and made explicit the value of more Pacific people entering research and academia and impacts of that.
Elders reminded of the critical and crucial role of research that empowers community and contributes to the well-being of their communities, especially with some distressing statistics in health and incarceration and mortality rates, whilst researchers also deconstructed the concepts of individual and collectivism arguing that both service a role. There was an interesting discussion of some of the norms within the Pasifika communities which we need to challenge, not just ones external to the community.
Models of community research that include and embrace community researchers, and participatory action approaches and partnerships were shared, as well as the need for an increase in Pacific Phds to lead teams and use Pasifika methodologies, with several examples of the impacts where this has occurred. One presenter pointed out how important it is for Pasifika people to have the social capital of academic qualifications so they can lead teams and be paid better (equity) but still retain their identity/ies.
Dr Lefaoali’i Dion Anari, gave the professional key note, again, proudly expressing culture, in both language and oratory, to open, and integrated this throughout his presentation. He spoke of the supportive collectives that more and more Pasifika people being at universities create for the generations follow them there. He shared his personal and academic journey, and linked it to his motivation, and outcomes. The way is not always clear but dialogue and experience can shape an academic journey and lead to unforeseen opportunities. He also shared the importance of connecting with original home countries and how a return to live and do service in Samoa, gave him further insights invaluable to research.
Dr Anari recalled how important Pasifika student associations were to him, at university and culture groups at high school. Empowering and motivating, and ensuring he made it through his studies. Many students in undergraduate studies were also in attendance to assist in doing service to the conference as well as to be encouraged into research careers if they should wish, and to understand the pathways they could follow to achieve that.
The spirit of the conference was incredibly warm, dynamic, creative, innovative, and vibrant. At every opportunity, naturally culture, in language, song, dance, humour cultural safety was apparent throughout the day each of the presenters and panellist was given a gift.
Some attendees went knowing nobody and by the end of it, had contacts, potential mentors or connections, to follow up. I did my best to speak with and listen to as many participants and presenters as I could, and especially appreciated the table arrangement to the conference where we sat in round tables. Special thanks to Reo and Heidi! Interestingly for me, I left and arrived at the same time as a delegate from Auckland, Ben, and chatting to him on the way and out gave the day symmetry.
The day ended with Dr Stanley, encouraging, people from the floor of the conference to reflect on what the narrative of Pasifika, Pacific, Pacifica might look like going forward in an Australian context. Does Pasifika still have a strategic meaning, and strength, that is useful? Contributions from the floor were interesting, thoughtful and often quite emotional.
One of the Elders, spoke of the need to always remember those who do not make it to University, or into a long and healthy life, and to ensure we will all remember to consider that importance and obligation of the opportunity of education and the urgency of having the impact of research truly benefit community.
Other ideas expressed were that:
We are each other’s keepers
part of collectives, a collective but also individuals. It is a holistic approach that will move community forward. We can be unified in all our Pasifika diversities, and that in the diaspora there is much to be gained by inclusiveness and connection.
We were encouraged to think about what we bring to the table of Pacific research, and the service and agency of our communities and ourselves.
What do you bring to the table?
The day ended with a dance from Kiribati, done by students of several Pasifika background, as well as Kiribati, a group photo, and a heartfelt, prayer and blessing, by the only high school attendee.
I encourage anyone reading this article to follow the hyperlinks and read the presenters representations of their work. Some research is still in process and we will no doubt hear about this in the future and hopefully see its impacts in policy and other fields.
Many thanks to all the organisers, participants, attendees and those who supported the event through service.
A couple of changes were made to above program for the Post Graduate Student panel.
In the last few months I have been connecting with Pasifika Friends, who carry their culture in the heart, in the art, and in the soul wherever they go, and connect to families who share that same passion to continue meaningful cultural practices even whilst embracing new homes.
I hear stories of endurance to obtain cultural tattoos, and reconnect with friends who dart in and around the Pacific, Australia and call so many places home, because they have family there. How I treasure these connections and the inspiration, strength and creativity within them.
I’ve been reading and attending forums on the Voice to understand where it comes from and what it means to people and work out how I wish to vote. At a Multicultural hosted Forum at the QPAC, it was raised that we are all migrants to Australia, other than the First Nations people who were here first…
Writing has truly enriched my life. There were a number of collaborations this year, with many meetings on zoom, culminating in in person conferences and panels in person!, with Fairy Tale Society, QLD Writers Centre, Diaspora sisters, Vacen invited me to Comic Con, and a panel for social justice hosted by School of Social Work Queensland. Loved catching up with SCBWI friends. One day will I make it to picture book publication, or will it be middle grade or YA. If you know him, Garth Nix is in here and met him at a dinner for Genre Con fundraiser.
It is wonderful to be heard. This was the year of panels!
Threads of my life, Fairy Tale friends recently attending a show from Eliane, Townsville days memories with Stephen who knew us in the early days of our marriage, Writing Buddy Maria, what a gem! Fairy Tale and Diaspora friends supporting public speech given on social Justice. Chikako always checks up on me, and patiently waits for a visit from the very busy Perkins family. And it’s a delight to connect also with some other families we are close to as well.
Friendships old and new, it is always wonderful to renew friends.
Visit from my children’s class teacher Sandra – so thankful to have seen her a few times over the years, didn’t know I would see her again at the funeral of one of my brothers a few weeks later, author Maryam, Celebrating the Environment, new form of Elections for Bahais, planning meeting, catching up with Marjorie and Melanie, and remembering Jackie with some of her friends in Townsville. Placed rose petals on the grave. That was an emotional moment.
Loss and reconnection.
Farewell to Jackie, My Brother and the Queen. Signed condolence book in Adelaide.
Able to travel. Thankful not to attend my brother’s funeral by zoom, but in person. And surprise connect up to dear friends who remember us in childhood.
With Jennifer Martiniello in South Australia, a wonderful lunch time chat we both didn’t want to end, With Ben and my brother, Felix, Naysan’s farewell, David with Eloy and me with MC.
farewells to friends moving to the Coast, overseas and finally we catch up with Felix!
It’s now time to work on some creative writing, but writing down a few short notes to remember the year that was.
I’ve kept journals that are offline and full of ideas and memories as well. One day might have to go back through all my hard copy journals from before blog time. Wonder if I will remember what I am even referring too, let’s hope I do.
So I was thinking about non linear time, and how pain/history/trauma/ loss might continue to impact the present.
And then I thought also how joy or wisdom gained from the past might also inhabit and live with us in the present also and overcome all.
Thinking of some dear family and friends living with ongoing grief and trauma right now and inviting you to have at least one joyful moment return to your mind and spirit right now
Here’s a joyful moment, from my own that always lives with me, my youngest son (now much older) leaping and flying with joy as a country boy…
There have been some special moments in the storytelling creative journey and the image above is one.
The photograph pictured on the front the QWC Annual report is of many of the contributors to The Diaspora Edition of Writing Queensland – being launched at the end of year Christmas party 2021.
It was an honour to encourage others women to share their stories, and reflect on the role of writing and culture in their journey. I found myself contextualising my own journey and cowriting an article with Dimity Powell through. Our shared conversations was wonderful.
We collaborated through the power of zoom!
It was a reminder to one day finish that memoir/ life story I’ve been intending in whatever format that might take.
I am on a journey to look at poetry novels and realise my memoir could be written in that style. As well I could channel many experiences into works that are not directly memoir but more inspired by it. Maybe I’ll share some book reviews of my reading journey in that genre.
I am so grateful for the ongoing nature of my blogs, where I can share ideas and precious moments and also keep personal journals and creative spaces off line. The regular practice of writing, that is process writing, not just completed products, has kept many of my dreams alive.
A bower bird of words. A canary flying into the mines of human experience. A sister to fellow creatives of the diaspora.
Mother’s day as your children enter their twenties creates nostalgia for early moments like this.
It leads to realising just how precious these moments were and how quickly they would pass.
Did I enjoy them enough at the time ? If I am honest mostly but not always. Why? It looks so picture perfect, but not everyday of being a mother is easy. There are so many things to think about such as being a great example, fostering resilience and strength, teaching virtues and raising children who contribute to society and are healthy as they can be in mind, body and soul.
Then the reality of their experiencing school yard bullying begins, dealing with schools and teachers about it, worrying about racism. Are they strong enough? Will they have enough strength? Worrying about engagement with learning with spiritual values. And much, much more.
There are so many things present self could tell past self, but I am really thankful that I can say that because hopefully that means wisdom has been developed.
I recently had a conversation with some mothers, some seasoned by time, and experience, others new and we realised just how hard mothers can be on themselves, if they are raised or educated, or come to the realisation, to have a high spiritual expectation of their role.
Growing up in the country – a decision we made that had both pros and cons for our children
Society too, will when things go wrong, look to the parents, especially the mother, and see what it was that she could have done better in raising her children. Mothers do sometimes make mistakes, none of us are perfect, but many mothers striving for perfection, may be putting so much pressure on themselves, that they start to have unrealistic expectations of themselves and others, which can lead to a spiral of unhealthy thinking and behaviours, which could lead to them making no effort or too much of an effort.
Their children end up either feeling smothered, or neglected, or a source of their mother’s angst.
One of the outcomes of our discussion is that it is best to take reflecting on one’s mothering role one day at a time. To reflect each day: how could I do better? Be more patient, loving, and so forth. Or, did I need some more meditation or exercise time just for myself and how can I find that time? etc And just do better the next day.
There will be times we fail, but looking too far back can only create helplessness, inertia, over analysing, whereas looking day to day, step by step, we can hopefully improve little by little. We set a small goal, to listen more clearly to let go when they need more freedom and so on. We meet that goal we set another one.
“Bring thyself to account each day” how simple that sounds when we read it in the Hidden Words, but it is so easy to be trapped, and to go down the ‘what if only’ thinking and go back and back until all our perceived mistakes condemn us.
Whatever we do, our children have choice, free will, but the healthier we are in thinking about transformation as a daily journey, step by step, day by day, perhaps the more we find ourselves moving forward. We are not overwhelmed by the amount of changes we may think we need to make.
With my Mum on an outing with my daughter and a niece – they are not pictured.
The other aspect is that mothers should not feel alone in raising their children, but supported by parents, school, and community. I think back to my mother with four young children in a new country, living far from her village. Did she have enough of a village? Yes and no? My answer is ambiguous. I didn’t understand a lot of things as a child, but I do know sometimes she wonders if she could have done better for my brother’s sake and has taken on many times the responsibility of fixing the outcomes of their mistakes.
Recently my mum asked me to forgive her for anything she had done that might have hurt me and said she understood me much more, seeing how my children had grown up and she respected me as a mother. I had never expected this, and must admit there were times I felt critical towards her, but now I do understand why certain things were they way they were. I graciously accepted her apology, but felt in some ways humbled by the fact she felt she needed to apologise for what I had long ago, forgiven and hoped to understand rather than blame.
I acknowledge the many people who did support my maternal family, who became like Aunties, and Uncles and I often honour them in some of the stories on this blog.
I end this post with a picture of one of the Uncles to our children, dear Pedro, now himself a Dad.
The village of friends who have been so precious in our children’s lives, I thank you for your support and guidance on my journey as a parent.
Big Brother mentor and life long friend of family pictured with eldest son as youngsterPedro visits with a group of friends, whilst we live in Far North Queensland
We didn’t make the funeral, and now almost a year later we make it to the graveside of Poppy.
That’s COVID19 for you. We are not alone in such journeys.
Time to say goodbye and prayers.
Nana, David, Sheridan and I, standing in a row, on windy, warm day; our prayers rising into the air.
Roses bloom whilst visitors gather for funerals and grave side prayers.
Nana shows us the plaque.
We meditate and contemplate.
If he was here, he’d be telling jokes and stories.
He’d be taking us for a walk around the block.
Instead we see him through the memories of neighbours ‘I remember Howard, every day he came outside and say hello’ as David and I walk around the block without him.
And as we walk to my brother’s grave, I see this one. And I think of this little one who had no earthly life, whose twin lives on.
And soon we are walking to one of my brother’s resting place.
And we remember him.
Offer prayers, but I have no flowers.
I look at all the graves for those in the worlds beyond.
This is what their loved ones chose to remember them with.
I find myself capturing the rows of trees, hill tops, and thinking for a moment of how this grave yard now holds both the earthly remains of Poppy and my brother.
And now it’s time to say goodbye.
Perhaps Poppy is telling his stories to my brother now.
Holiday time – now to do all the things I don’t get to do so much during the term time.
I love finding photographs of my beloved and myself as children, before we met,
as well as just filing through old images from our loves.
Nostalgia.
My mind is so full these days, of learning – all about curriculum design – and ways to set up ‘yarning circles’ and soon first teaching prac approaches.
To stop for a moment in a memory circle before that time.
To dance, poeticise, and remember.
Theory will go into practice.
Practice feeds into theory.
Memory of classrooms as a child, to become memories of classroom as a teacher, I hope.
I love to read about how life and learning does not always move in linear fashion.
Following the Crow Song 